Goodbye, Father I Never Had

Nine crayon coated pictures sticking to the refrigerator door,
he says he knows you love him, but he says he loves you more.
Doodles of fathers and sons--under his fishing net.
He leaves the father's face blank, for a man he's never met.
He sits on the kitchen counter, waiting by the phone,
He brushes by the curtains, in case you decide to come home.

That boy, he's getting big now, he's got such a beautiful face.
His big brown eyes and joyful smile lighten up this empty place.
He tells all his friends at school that his father's working late,
and at the dinner table, he sets an extra plate.
He bows to say his prayer, and he prays he's not alone,
"Father, make me happy, Daddy please come home."

He's as sharp as a tack, and he's started to grow,
He's got your strong spirit, but I guess you wouldn't know.
He's written many letters, ones your eyes will never see,
begging you to visit him, be the Father you should be.

Your little boys a man now, your baby's all grown up.
He's made it through without you, when daddy didn't show up.
On his refrigerator, are sixteen letters to Dad.
Just in case the man comes back, the Father he never had.

But if you never come back,

Its okay, mom has picked up for your slack

For so many years,
Through all of my tears,
Your so called love never seemed to appear.
So I'm letting you go now,
I will let you drift without me,
I'll survive it somehow...
Though I have so many questions,
So many wounds with infections,
I suppose they'll go unanswered.

Good-bye to the man,
who has never once ever held my hand,
you decided to leave me alone
tossed me into a cold world unknown.
For so many years I felt guilt and denial thinking it was me,
But now I am grown and can finally see.
It makes me quite sad,
I feel so hurt and yet so mad,
But it has to be done, so...
Good-bye.
Dad.